Am I Really Here?

Okay. I have determined that I am a fluke of the Universe. I am a specter with some kind of supernatural yearning to be real. I do not exist. The Cyber universe tells me so. Please bear with me as this evidently nonexistent person, author, daughter, wife, and mother comes to this conclusion. Everything and everyone is on the web. Cate Cavanagh is all over web, all over google and just about every search engine there is. Cate Cavanagh has been an NPR radio affiliate broadcaster and podcaster. Cate Cavanagh is listed on amazon.com, barnesandnoble.com as well as other online book stores. Cate Cavanagh has books in bookstores, including Barnes and Noble. Cate Cavanagh has a laudable professional and creative resume but, am I really here or a spectral- lurker who is simply just too stupid to know that I am not her or she is not me?

During the last several years I have had three myspace pages. They have all been lost. When "I" inquired myspace told me I did not exist. I have in the last week rejoined and did three more pages only to have them blip off. Once again myspace told me I do not exist.

I began this blog and, low and behold, my "appearance" here seems like something out of the Twilight Zone where a specter fades in and then out...Will I be here when I complete this blog? My blog is here one minute and then gone the next. I do not know but then I do not really know if I exist anyway.

I have had websites-zip-gone-never was.

So, I decided not to be deterred and go the new big connection website-facebook. Well, I have signed on twice as I write this and my password is said to be wrong. I reset the password and although I get signed in, it is not the "right" password for going further than that.

So, I have this little dilemma that vexes me greatly- Do I really know we exist? It seems I don't. I find myself having bizarre musings. For example, in science it is said that something blue is not blue at all. It's just everything else that is not blue. An orange is not orange but rather every other color is absorbed EXCEPT orange which is what we see. I look in the mirror and therefore must conclude that the image I see is merely a rejected range of colors that make up my green eyes, freckled face and red hair so, with scientific fact in hand I look at myself and realize that who I see is not really there at all so the me I see simply does not exist.

Apparently cyperspace has come to the same conclusion so the question becomes if I am not Cate, then who am I am? Will the real Cate please stand up and finish rewriting the books I still have lurking in the back of my mind? Will the real Cate clean my house and do the luandry and cooking for me? I am apparently living your life...enough already! Live Your own.

But, if you must insist I live your life will you please take over my life and replace it with heavenly spas, swimming pool, a huge boat, an estate stable, landscapers and room service?

Do this person-whose existence is questionable- a favor. Please go to you tube and view the book trailer for the book some other Cate wrote. Thanks.