What's Your Trigger?
By Cate Cavanagh

Everyone has a sore spot, an Achilles' Heal if you will. Sometimes it's something such as hearing screeching tires that our nerves like chalk squeaking on a blackboard. Sometimes it's Aunt Tilly's gaggling laugh. But when it comes to spiritual balance it is something else altogether.

Many of us have been looking at our self definitions and how we see ourselves. We have been exploring why we have these self definitions and have been working to redefine ourselves truthfully instead of painfully. We have also been working on our self image by dressing nicely even if we don't want to or putting on make up even if we do not like what we see in the mirror. In short, we have working on self transformation. But sometimes, no matter how much hard work we put into transforming ourselves we have a set back. So I will now ask you, what is your trigger? What is it that shakes you to the bottom of your soul to the point of losing ground,losing your inner balance?

For one it could be a birthday. Birthdays signal turning points and it is natural to reflect on our lives. Unfortunately, birthdays make us look at what we may have dreamed and not yet obtained. Another is a major holiday. It is not surprising that major holidays earmark horrible depression and high suicide rates. If divorced going to that cousin's wedding can also be a trigger to any number of issues we have not yet settled within ourselves. If watching our weight (if we have an eating disorder) that one piece of wedding cake could cause us to suddenly binge eat or purge. It is all about painful memories and issues that are triggered by what should be a fun event.

Sometimes, as with my case in particular, it is being around people who are drunk. You see my dad was an alcoholic and being around someone who is drunk brings back a flood of sad, childhood memories. For someone with a physical disability it could be hearing about someone's son making a college team. If you were never able to get a college education, running into a friend who did and who is "successful" can bring about feelings of failure.

All of the above are about "things". That's the bottom line here and these "things" tap into our fears: fear of failing, being too fat or too thin, fear of being continually disabled or of feeling inadequate. Does this all mean our working at self transformation is to no avail? On the contrary! It only means we have triggers reminding us of where we came from, not where we are going! On days were we have a setback we need to remember that is who we were, not who are or who we are becoming. If we can remember this we can ride through the rough spots and see that we are champions over our past.

Of course the best tool is, and it is hard, learning to live in the present. In HER GODMOTHER, Allie learns to be alive in the magical moment of now!

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